Ambrosia
by Karanina
Summary: After a night out on the town Jayne wakes up without a hangover, but with the one person he never expected. Will Mal dump him out the airlock for good? Or will Simon slice and dice him on the operating table? But Simon's just a little bit preoccupied.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

Jayne rolled over in his sleep, or rather, he tried to roll over. There was something soft and warm in his way. He took a deep breath and smiled. That was a girl beside him. Couldn't remember who she was, but she felt good curled in at his side, so he let her stay there. Must've been some party last night, he mused, as dreams reached up to claim him once more.

* * *

Down the other end of Serenity, just around the corner from her infirmary lay another unconscious couple. Legs tangled, disheveled clothing, hands resting wherever sleep had dropped them. 

Slowly Simon managed to rouse himself. His first thoughts were as always, for his sister. Had she slept all right? Had the nightmares come back? Had she been calling for him and he hadn't heard her? Simon listened keenly for the slightest whisper from outside his room. His other senses came alive and he became aware of a weight draped over him… and the smell of strawberries.

A slight frown creased Simon's face and he looked down. Kaylee was sprawled on top of him, her strawberry scented hair a fan across his chest. Panic reared its ugly head. His heart speed up, his breath caught in his throat. Simon's mind went blank trying to figure out exactly how she'd ended up there.

He looked around to confirm that they were in his room. They were both dressed, well mostly dressed. What had happened last night? As with the only other time he'd woken up with Kaylee in his arms, there had been drinking… a lot of drinking. That time they had woken up still in the bar and then Simon had promptly put his foot in it. If he could help it, that wouldn't happen again. He desperately needed to gather his wits before she woke up too.

Unfortunately thinking was not exactly Simon's forte when Kaylee was around, especially a half naked, sweet smelling, soft Kaylee who was lying on him. He stifled a groan. Allowing his thoughts to linger on her was a sure way to lose whatever brain cells he had left. He immediately tensed. If he wanted her to stay asleep till he could formulate a coherent sentence, Simon couldn't afford to make a sound… or even breathe for that matter.

But it was too late. Kaylee's mop of hair moved, her face burrowing deeper into the warmth of his chest. Simon looked down in terror as she took a deep breath and pulled heavily lidded eyes up to greet his.

"Mornin'," Her husky voice called softy to him.

Simon thought it was a Siren's song, the most beautiful sound he'd ever heard. He was momentarily stunned speechless, but Kaylee's gentle prodding brought him back to himself.

"Ain't ya gonna say good mornin' to me?" she teased.

"Of course, good morning." Simon blushed, slipping into manners born and bred of the aristocratic upper class. "Did you sleep well?"

Kaylee's grin widened. "Oh I slept fine. I'm sure you're gonna have a few bumps and bruises though." At Simon's bewildered expression she laughed. "Don't you remember nothin' from last night?"

"I remember drinking…" Simon said tentatively. He didn't want to insult her if they'd done something he should be remembering.

Kaylee giggled again, deciding to take pity on him. "Well there was a fair amount of that done by everyone. New Athens has a fine drink in Ambrosia. How's your head?"

Furrowing his brow, Simon realized that given the amount of alcohol he had consumed last night he should be feeling like death warmed up, but he didn't even have a headache.

"Ambrosia don't have any unpleasant side effects, but its so potent Alliance don't let it be exported off planet," she explained.

Simon smiled sheepishly. "Well at least I didn't fall asleep in my cups again."

"Yeah you waited till you got back on the boat to do that." Kaylee's effervescent grin was back.

"I passed out?"

"Yup. Had to get the Sheppard to help me drag you back to your bunk."

"Oh," Simon said. He didn't remember that at all, so hopefully he hadn't made too big of an ass out of himself in his inebriated state. "That was very kind of you."

"Told the Sheppard I'd take care of you, but I guess I passed out before I got very far," her smile had turned sheepish now.

Relief flooded Simon's mind. He hadn't done anything that might embarrass either of them.

Unfortunately Kaylee saw the emotions seep through to his expression. "Don't worry. You ain't done nothin' to be ashamed for." She snapped. Every time they got the teensiest bit closer he came along and pushed her away. Sometimes she didn't know why she bothered. Likely there were a whole lot of other men out there who might take some interest in her. It was just that none of them were as shiny as her starched Doctor from the Core.

She got up to leave. She couldn't face giving up on him right now, but she couldn't face his rejection either.

"Kaylee wait!" Simon's arm shot out to stop her, hanging onto her wrist like a lifeline. _Say something good. Say something she'll want to hear_, he urged himself. "It's just that… if anything happened between us… I'd like to be able to remember it."

Kaylee's eyes softened at once. Her knees got so weak she had to sit on the edge of the bed. That was exactly the sort of thing she needed to hear. But then, Simon always did that. He'd swallow his foot whole and when she was good and mad he'd say the most amazing thing to make her forget her anger with him.

"What sort of things would you want to remember?" she asked, her voice going all breathless, her eyes pleading with him not to chicken out this time.

"Well I-" Simon's eyes fell on her beautiful lower lip. She was biting it like she was nervous, as though his answer meant the 'verse to her. It meant just as much to him. He found himself rubbing a thumb over that full, luscious lip, his palm cupping her jaw. How had his hand gotten up there? "Kaylee," he murmured her name and felt himself draw her in for a kiss.

It wasn't so much the conscious thought that he wanted to hiss her, that was always there, rather it was the letting go of all the reasons why he shouldn't kiss her. That was what Kaylee did. The light that constantly shone from her burned away all thoughts of reason and propriety. His mouth settled tentatively over hers, drawing in with exquisite care what his thumb had stroked only moments ago. "Kaylee" he breathed against her lips.

She stiffened slightly in his arms. "Don't speak Simon. Don't say a gorram word," she begged, afraid that he would ruin the incredible moment they were having. She slid her arms around him. She didn't think she could bear it if he pulled away this time. His hands tangled into her hair and she felt him relax into her. Kaylee almost breathed a sigh of relief. This was finally it!

Simon lowered his mouth to her neck, inhaling the scent of strawberries and engine oil, a smell that was uniquely Kaylee's own. He feathered kisses down the line of her jaw, all the while his head buzzing with the knowledge that this was exactly where he wanted to be. He wasn't going to let anyone screw it up, least of all himself. "Don't worry Kaylee, I won't say a word."

* * *

Jayne became aware of a tapping on his chest. Not so much a tapping, more like a flicking, he thought. A satisfied grin stole over his features. That's right, he'd taken one of them village girls into his bed. He opened his eyes. He was fully prepared to give her another dose of what she'd gotten last night if that's what her game was. 

Her face was turned away from him, looking down his body, but he would bet she was a beauty. She had long brown hair and a fine looking figure, if a little on the skinny side. And from what he could tell she was still pretty damn naked.

"Enjoying yourself?" he growled, wanting her to know he was awake.

The girl slowly turned her head, eyes coming up to meet his and a goofy grin plastered on her face. Jayne's heart almost stopped. His good mood evaporated in an instant.

"Good morning zhang fu."

Jayne was staring down into the moonbrained face of River "stick you with a knife" Tam.

Translations  
Zhang fu - Husband


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Sorry about the wait. I've recently been on holiday and got back to find out about a serious illness in the family, so things have been a bit hectic.

* * *

Chapter Two 

Jayne fell backwards in an effort to get away from her, hitting the hard deck with a thud. "What the hell you doing here? Git the hell outta my bunk!"

River giggled at his prone form as though he'd fallen just for her amusement. "Wife sleeps with the husband you said," she explained to the glowering mercenary.

"Yeah well we ain't married. So git the hell out," Jayne demanded once again as he picked himself up from the floor

River sighed. She'd tried to tell him last night, but he hadn't listened to her. No one ever listened to her. She turned around to pull the curtain from his wall mounted arsenal.

"Hey wait. You ain't s'posed to touch them," Jayne cried out, suddenly fearful that his yelling might have put her in a killing frame of mind.

River's goofy grin came back. She knew the rules. "Don't worry. Not touching guns," she assured him. Then very carefully, making sure she didn't lay one finger on Vera, she pulled out a piece of paper that had been stuffed in behind Jayne's favourite weapon. "Told you you'd forget, but you said we had the portrait so it didn't matter."

"Portrait?" Jayne asked distractedly. He'd just realized that he was standing butt naked in the same room as the crazy girl. His eyes darted around hunting for his pants. Wouldn't do to have Mal come along and see him in his birthday suit and Little Crazy in his bed.

He yanked on the first pair of cargos his eyes came across and looked up to see River waving a piece of paper in his face.

"See. I have a wedding dress and everything." River's mouth drew into a pout that almost made Jayne think twice about yelling at her. "You wouldn't dress up. Said I'd have to take you as you were."

Jayne grabbed the piece of paper from her outstretched hand. It was a marriage certificate signed by Shepherd Mark Donahue. There was his familiar scrawl beneath his name, and a like mark made by River beneath hers. Jayne's mouth went dry… and then his jaw dropped. He looked from the bit of paper to River's expectant face and then back again. He looked at River once more and then re-read the marriage certificate. It looked legit, which meant that he really was married to Simon's nutball sister. "Ni ta ma de tian xia suo you de ren dou gai si."

"What the hell happened last night?" he asked himself. Jayne's eyes turned to River. For some strange reason they'd got hitched. He mighta been out of it enough to not know what was going on but even the little nut job musta had some idea about what they were doing.

"Jayne? You alright in there?" Zoe knocked against the hatch to his bunk and Jayne almost hit the roof in shock.

"Ah shit." Zoe finding River in his room was just as bad as Mal finding out. Only difference was Zoe would chop his balls off before she shoved him out the airlock. Jayne glanced towards the hatch. "Fine Zoe," he called out, praying she'd drop it.

"I'm not a cow. No free milk. You said that was fine. You were in a buying mood," River told him, as though she was completely unaware of someone standing on the other side of the door.

"Ssh" Jayne urged her. He didn't need this. He really didn't need this.

"Jayne you got someone in there?" Zoe called from the hallway above.

Jayne looked around for inspiration, but all he could see was a half naked moonbrain in his bed, a blanket pulled up to cover her breasts.

"Yeah. Prairie Harpy followed me back here last night." Jayne said, hoping she wouldn't want to come down and see for herself. He didn't even see River's fist flying at his face, she moved so quickly. He staggered back a few paces. "What the hell?"

River poked her tongue out at him, and somewhere above him Zoe chuckled. "Well the Captain's wanting to leave soon, so best you send her on her way."

The first mate moved on and Jayne's fury swung back to River. "What the hell'd ya do that for girl?" He towered over her small form, his hands balling into fists. He never hit a woman unless she was physically threatening him in some way, and he could count the number of times that had happened on both hands. But he'd be damned if he let this little thing get away with it again.

"Not a Prairie Harpy… I'm your wife." River scolded.

"Hell girl I didn't call…" Jayne blustered. "I didn't mean… I was just trying to get Zoe gone without coming down here and finding ya."

River was unimpressed with his explanation. He was her husband, he was supposed to stand by her. That's what husbands and wives did for each other.

"And as for the wife thing," Jayne continued, the heat going out of his eyes as River's cool gaze chastised him. "I'm gonna go visit this Preacher and get this marriage thing sorted out."

River frowned. Marriage was for life. They were partners, always watching each other's backs, taking care of each other. Mother and Father wouldn't stand for a divorce. She had to make sure it didn't happen. "I'll come with you."

She got out of bed and gathered her clothes up, not noticing Jayne's jaw dropping as he took in her naked form. He remembered the feel of her against him as they slept and thanked god that he was now wearing pants. His breath shortened to shallow pants as she bent over to pick up her dress, his hands itched to reach out and pull her hips back against his.

Jayne turned around quickly to find a t-shirt, trying to ignore the way his body had tightened at the sight of her small breasts and long legs. He couldn't believe he'd just thought those things about River Tam. Couldn't believe how relaxed he'd felt when he woke up with her beside him…

"Ready," River chirped.

Jayne turned on his heal. "For what?" he asked, having momentarily forgotten her wish to go with him.

"Going to say thank you to the Preacher." River turned a somber gaze on him. "You were very rude to him last night. Should say sorry."

"You ain't goin' anywhere."

"Yes I am," River insisted, putting her hands on her hips.

"No you ain't."

"Yes. I. Am."

"No. You. Ain't."

* * *

Ten minutes later River and Jayne were striding down the well worn path from the field where Serenity had parked. It was midmorning in the small township, and despite the excesses of last night, most of the villagers were up and about. Jayne could smell fresh bread from the bakeries, ripe fruit in the market place, and somewhere meat was being stewed for the midday meal. He was glad that the alcohol of choice on this planet was Ambrosia, otherwise he wouldn't have been able to appreciate all these appetizing smells. 

But as much as his mouth was watering and his stomach grumbling, he had another important task that couldn't wait. Little Crazy had followed him off the ship, and since he didn't want his crewmates alerted to their newly wedded state, Jayne had decided that the best course of action would be to just let her trail after him. And trailing she was. "Hey if you're wanting to come on this fieldtrip, you gotta keep up. If we're late back to the ship, Mal'll know something's up and I ain't in no mood to get spaced as we're leavin' atmo," he groused.

"Won't make a difference. Priest saw you were mine and I was yours. Just put pen to paper for the others."

Jayne turned away disgusted. How come she didn't seem put out by their crazy marriage – oh right, cos she was crazy.

He set his sights on the church up ahead. It was in the centre of town, and as usual, one of the nicest buildings there. The weatherboard exterior was whitewashed, and there was a cross high up on the roof proclaiming its significance. There was a neat little garden behind a white picket fence and behind the building, Jayne could see a small graveyard and another wing where the Preacher probably lived.

He knocked heavily on the church doors before letting River and himself in – churches were always open. "Hey Shepherd…" _What was that guy's name?_

"Shepherd Donahue," River piped up.

"Did I ask you?" Jayne snapped.

River poked her tongue out at him. Boys could be so annoying sometimes.

"Can I help you?" A voice from the far end of the chapel asked. Jayne turned towards the Shepherd. "Oh its you."

"You marry us last night, Shepherd?" Jayne asked, walking up the aisle towards the Preacher.

"That is what you asked me to do in the early hours of this morning." The Shepherd seemed totally unimpressed to find Jayne back in his church.

"Well you make a habit of marryin' folks what's drunk of their nut?" Jayne demanded to know.

"Not usually, but that large gun you had pointed at my head persuaded me otherwise."

Jayne blanched. He'd pulled a gun on a Shepherd? His ma would never forgive him. "Well listen, I'm real sorry about that, but like I said, I was drunker than drunk last night and I was wanting to get the marriage annulled."

The Shepherd's expression grew serious, his look passing from Jayne to River. He didn't normally marry girls as young as her either, but Cobb had been very insistent last night. The girl had a grin plastered all over her face, and Donahue could only hope that she had had an enjoyable wedding night. "Did you two spend the night together?" he directed his question at Jayne.

"Well yeah."

"Then I'm afraid I can't annul your marriage. If you're unhappy with your bride you'll have to get a divorce." The Preacher smirked, happy to get one up on the man who'd threatened his life.

"Look," Jayne grumbled. "There's certain parties who'd be keen to put a bullet in my brain if'n they found out about this."

"I'm sorry," Donahue said in a tone that indicated how very much he wasn't. "But I'll not let you dishonor this girl by granting an annulment. You made your bed," his eyes twinkled, "Now you'll have to sleep in it."

* * *

Translations  
Ni ta ma de tian xia suo you de ren dou gai si - F everyone in the universe to death 


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

Jayne had sworn black and blue all the way back to the boat. He'd walked so quickly that River had had to jog to keep up. The cargo bay was a hive of activity when they got back, and River was able to lose herself in the bustle of preparations for take off. Jayne wasn't so lucky.

"Where the hell have you been Jayne?" Mal stormed. "We got cargo to finish loading, and you've been skiving off?"

"Sorry bout that Mal." Jayne's brain drew a blank. "I was ah-"

"It's warm outside," River came to Jayne's rescue. "Springtime. Birth of all things. Butterflies come out to play." She looked Jayne directly in the eye. "Wanted to stay."

"She was wandering about outside?" Mal asked him.

"Ah… yeah. I was saying goodbye to a girl from last night, and there she was." Jayne improvised. "Took a bit to rein her in, that's why I weren't back sooner."

"And what happened to your eye?"

Jayne grinned sheepishly. "Mighta said something to my friend from last night she took offense at."

Mal eyed him for a moment before accepting his explanation. "All right. Get to work then." He turned to River, but she had already wandered off again, though thankfully not off the boat.

Jayne started securing crates for take off, but for the most part ignoring everything that was going on around him. He was in a bit of a bind. Of all the girls he coulda married on a drunken night out it had to be their little knife wielding psychopath, and he couldn't even get the marriage annulled. What use was a wife you couldn't trust to watch your back while you slept. She was too young to do half the things that a wife should, and too crazy to do the rest. And no matter how much his body had reacted to her nakedness in his bunk, he'd never want a crazy little thing like that.

Jayne scowled to himself. Why'd this have to happen to him? He looked up and found River sitting on one of the crates, legs dangling over the side. "Get lost will ya," Jayne growled at her. "You tryin' to get me in trouble?"

"What trouble?" River asked. "Husband and wife should spend time together."

"We ain't married girl," Jayne hissed through clenched teeth.

"Yes we are." River hopped down from her crate and started digging around Jayne's back pocket, as the big man tried to squirm away from her. "Just look at the portrait if you forget," she exclaimed, pulling out their marriage certificate.

Jayne grabbed it from her and stuffed it back in his pocket, carefully looking around to make sure no one had seen. "Look girl I don't care what that piece of paper says. We. Ain't. Married! There's no way in hell I wanna be married to a feng le girl like you, so as far as I'm concerned, that bit of paper don't mean a damn thing." Jayne wanted to rip the certificate to shreds, but he had enough self preservation to know that if someone found any of the pieces there'd be hell to pay. Instead he stalked off from River to check that the mule had been secured on the other side of the cargo bay.

River watched him go with tears in her eyes. Jayne was denying their marriage. He was rejecting her. Well so be it. If he didn't want her, then she wouldn't want him either. They may be married, but he was no longer her husband, and she wouldn't be a wife to him. River could feel the thin trickles of liquid trail down her cheeks. She stormed out of the cargo bay, not wanting him to see her tears.

Jayne looked up as she streaked past him. _Well and good_, he thought. He didn't need someone like her trailing after him. The trouble she would bring just wouldn't be worth it. He wasn't gonna jeopardize his ten percent for a wee thing like that… even if he did want her… which he didn't.

* * *

"Good evening," Simon whispered in Kaylee's ear, coming up behind her and slipping his arms around her waist. No one else was in the kitchen at this time of day, just Kaylee starting work on dinner. 

"Hey." She put the knife down and twisted in his arms, her own slipping around his neck. "Whatcha doin?"

"River's asleep, so I thought I'd come see if I could help you."

"Did ya now?" Kaylee grinned coyly. She stood on her tiptoes to press a kiss to his lips. "Seem to recall the last time you helped me with dinner you burned the chicken to a crisp."

"Well maybe I could try something simpler this time," Simon suggested.

"All right." Kaylee turned back towards the bench, and taking his hands from her waist she wrapped one around the knife and placed the other on the carrot. She leaned her body back into Simon's and tilted her eyes up to seek his. "You can help me with the salad," she purred.

Simon lowered his head to rest on her shoulder and together they chopped the carrots. It was the most fun Kaylee had ever had making dinner, some nights a wholly boring task. She breathed in his scent and every now and then he would nip at her earlobe making her shiver. Kaylee retaliated by nuzzling his neck, and licking a path along his exposed collar bone.

Unfortunately the newly chopped carrot got forgotten in their sensual exploration, and by the time Mal came in five minutes later it was the only thing ready for dinner. Tactfully, Mal cleared his throat to let the young lovers know they were no longer alone. Truthfully though, he was not surprised to find them making out in the kitchen, given the furtive glances at the breakfast table this morning.

"Captain!" Simon sprung away from Kaylee like a boy caught with his hand in the cookie jar. "W-w-we were just chopping some ah… chopping some carrots."

Kaylee looked at him in disgust. They weren't even doin' nothing, and he was worse than ever. It wasn't like they were having sex on the table or anything.

"It's all right. Just wanted to see how dinner was coming along." Mal decided to take the gentlemanly route, it looked like Kaylee was gonna give the Doc what for in any case.

"Simon was helping me chop the carrots," the mechanic began, before turning an acid glare on the young doctor. "But you know how bad he is in the kitchen, so I don't think I'll be needing his help anymore."

"Kaylee-"

"No. It's fine Simon. Not like you were hired for your cooking skills." Kaylee turned her back on him and got on with slicing up the tomatoes, trying to ignore the tears forming in her eyes and the stupid, stupid doctor behind her.

Simon hesitated for a moment, unsure what to do. But he knew that the apology he had to make couldn't be done in front of Mal. "I should go check on River." He used his standard exit line and retreated back below decks. He'd screwed things up with Kaylee once again, and he didn't know how he could make it up to her this time.

* * *

Translations  
Fengle - Crazy 


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

River had cried herself to sleep that afternoon, and by the time Simon had found her she had dry, if somewhat puffy, eyes. Her brother was radiating happiness, glowing with ecstasy at his newly coupled state. It just meant that she was more alone than ever. No brother, no best friend… no husband.

Simon came and went, none the wiser that he'd woken her up. River rose from her bed consumed with a raging anger towards Jayne. He had turned his back on her, like she was some nameless whore, and that was just fine by River. He wouldn't have been faithful. He didn't believe in kissing on the lips. He just liked those stupid dolls he sometimes visited when they were planetside, and the pictures he kept above his bed.

He was so far beneath her on an intellectual level it wasn't funny. By comparison, he was the ape Simon had named him. He had the emotional development of a dog - _serve your master, get a treat_. All that really mattered to him was his paycheck and his guns. _It was just as well_, River thought. He didn't want a crazy wife, and she didn't want a philandering husband.

River pulled her thoughts away from her estranged husband. It was no good thinking about it. She looked around to find herself in the cargo bay, a knife in one hand and a scrunched up bunch of photos in the other. She watched, as though she were another person looking on, as she dropped the photos on a crate and brought the knife down again and again, stabbing the pretty dolls. "Delilahs' wrapped up in satin. Naughty apples."

River frowned down at the now shredded photographs. She turned her gaze to the knife in her hand. What had she done? She had killed the dolls! The knife clattered to the deck and River raced back to her bedroom and hid. Simon would be angry. Captain would be angry. Jayne would be furious. Had she just ruined their chances of a safe home? She wasn't supposed to touch knives, and no wonder when she did things like that when they were in her hands.

* * *

Simon wandered the ship looking for his sister. He had returned from swallowing his foot with Kaylee to find River missing from her room. It wasn't that he thought something was wrong, just that he always worried about her if he didn't know where she was. And this was something he could fix. 

The problem with Kaylee however, was a bit more complicated. His breeding dictated that he keep those sorts of displays to bedrooms, or at the very least private places where they weren't likely to be disturbed. He knew it was his own fault for starting the game, but he just saw her and she'd looked so beautiful… So when Mal had come in, he'd responded out of guilt for dishonoring the pretty young mechanic. He couldn't help his upbringing. He'd left behind his whole world to come out here, and had had to suppress most his morals just to survive. One of the only things he had left was the way in which he treated others, showed his respect and therefore his regard for them. He didn't want to embarrass Kaylee, or give her anything to regret. He didn't regret one moment of his time with her.

He had come full circle in his search for River, back to her room. And he still had no idea what to say to Kaylee - sorry seemed so inadequate.

His sister was crouching in the far corner, whimpering into her hands. Immediately, Simon rushed to her side. "Mei mei, what's wrong?" He tried to pull her to her feet, but River refused to move. "River?"

"Didn't mean to do it. Didn't mean it," she mumbled.

"Didn't mean what?" Simon asked, drawing her into a hug.

"Didn't mean to do it," River repeated. Her head snapped up and she looked her brother dead in the eye. "He won't make us leave will he?"

Simon didn't know what she'd done, so he couldn't say, but that didn't really matter did it. "River, we're part of Mal's crew. He's our Captain, he doesn't abandon his crew." She smiled weakly at his attempt, but he could tell she didn't really believe it. "Come on. Lets go get some dinner."

River shook her head. She didn't want to take the chance that Simon was wrong.

"We've got fresh vegetables…" Simon tried to entice her further. But he felt none of the joy that statement usually elicited, his faux pas with Kaylee had clouded that particular pleasure.

River cocked her head to one side. Simon had done something wrong with Kaylee… again. He needed her help to fix it. River sighed. "Brother's are such a trial."

Simon took that to mean yes and smiled. He helped her to her feet, and led her to the dining room. To be truthful, Simon was starting to lose his appetite, and it was River who dragged him the last few feet. The second they stepped into the mess he froze completely. Kaylee was laughing, a full-bodied, melodic sound, and helping Mal take dishes from the kitchen to the table.

"Kiss her," River whispered into her brother's ear.

_Kiss her? If only it were that simple,_ Simon wished.

"Show her you're still upgrading," River urged.

"Ain't no reason to stand on ceremony," Mal called out to the pair. "Come on in so we can start eating."

Kaylee had turned around at the Captain's words, her eyes wary as Simon caught them. _They're all here,_ he realized, _everyone_. He'd made the mistake of running when Mal discovered them, so…

Simon surged into the room and within moments held Kaylee's face in his hands. He pressed a hard kiss to her lips, hoping that she would respond under his assault. His tongue darted out to slide along her lower lip, hoping… praying… Kaylee's mouth opened beneath his and she started kissing him back, her body melting into his. She tasted like heaven, and at this moment Simon knew he was the luckiest man in the entire 'verse.

For the most part the crew responded with silence, then there was a snigger from Mal, a chuckle from Book, and "Well I can see Simon's got his dinner, can the rest of us eat now?" from Wash. The couple broke apart, a sheepish smile on Simon's face, and a fully satisfied grin emanating from Kaylee.

"I'm sorry I was such an idiot," the young doctor apologized.

"It's ok." Kaylee wrapped her arms around his waist and led him to a chair. "I'm used to it." In fact she was ecstatic. Simon had done it again. She had guessed at his reasons for jumping away when Mal had come upon them. And their Captain had suggested a few himself as he'd helped her finish dinner. Simon was a private person, and like he'd once told her – showing her respect was his way of showing he liked her. Mal had suggested that maybe he'd felt that making out with her in public wasn't very respectful.

"So can we eat now?" Wash asked as Simon, Kaylee and River sat down.

Mal shook his head. "We're still waiting on Jayne."

All of a sudden a howl of rage was heard from the cargo bay. The table's occupants looked at each other in surprise, all but River who, ashen faced, kept her eyes on her plate. Heavy boots pounded up the stairs, and a very angry Jayne burst into the dining room.

"Who the hell's been in my bunk," he demanded to know.

River sneaked a peak. He had found both the knife and what was left of the pictures, just as she'd suspected.

"I wanna know who's been messin' with my stuff!"

Mal sighed, but asked the question anyway. "All right, fess up. Who's been in Jayne's bunk?"

No one answered, but just looked around at everyone else to see who would raise their hand. Jayne stared each crewmember down, trying to ferret out the guilty party. Finally his gaze fell on River. He wanted to look away, but he saw the admission in her eyes. "Ruttin moonbrain!"

* * *

Translation  
Mei mei - sister 


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

"What the hell were you doin' in my bunk?" Jayne yelled, good sense be damned. He'd told her he wanted none of her, yet here she was interfering with his… business.

"Don't yell at her," Simon leapt to his sister's defence.

"She was in my bunk!"

"Perhaps you could both calm down some before we discuss this," Book suggested.

Jayne ignored him. "Look I don't care that she's crazy. You keep her away from me," he ordered Simon.

River shrunk behind her brother, using him as a shield against Jayne's anger. Why had she done it? What did it matter to her if he had those pictures taped above his bed? Jayne's anger battered her mind's fragile defences, and as always with any strong emotion, it broke through and overwhelmed her. "Bad things happen to bad boys," she accused. Just let the others guess at her anger towards Jayne.

"See! I told you." Jayne stabbed a finger in River's direction.

"They had it coming," River maintained.

"River, you know you're not supposed to touch knives," Simon scolded.

"Little Delilah's tried to take what's not theirs." She shot a contemptuous glare towards Jayne, who paled slightly under her censure.

"Don't mean you can take something that belongs to someone else, River." Mal intervened, not noticing the byplay.

"You take things that belong to others all the time," River pointed out. Inara managed to stifle a laugh behind her napkin, but Kaylee wasn't so quick and a series of bubbly giggles erupted from her mouth.

"Well that's… different." Mal tried to explain, blushing slightly. "We take from them's that can afford to lose things."

"Doesn't need them. Doesn't want them. They're just an excuse." _Lao tian, where had that come from_, River wondered. But at the same time she knew it was true. In the back of Jayne's mind River could see an image of her naked in bed with him, and just as she couldn't banish her emotions, neither could he banish that image.

It gave her new hope, but at the same time a measure of self disgust. After the way he'd treated her, she refused to let herself want him. "Food smells funny," she whispered in an aside to her brother. River rose to go back to her room.

"Hey I ain't done with you!" Jayne tried to call her back.

"Bit of paper don't mean a damn thing." River gave him back his own words and left the table with a small smile. None of the others had any idea what she meant, but Jayne did. He had no say over her, couldn't stop her. She was her own woman, he'd given up all rights to call her his.

* * *

"Did ya have to be so mean?" Kaylee snapped to Jayne after Simon had raced after his sister. 

"Don't recall her coming after you with a knife." Jayne defended himself.

"Will you give it a rest with the knife story?" Wash begged.

"Weren't talking bout the time she stabbed me." Jayne told him. "But in case you ain't noticed, this here's one of my babies." He held up the knife River had used to shred the pictures. "She musta got it from my bunk when she took the pictures."

"That don't mean she was tryin' to attack you," Kaylee put in.

"Says you. She ain't s'posed to have knives, might get ideas, and I ain't too comfortable with that."

"None of us are too comfortable about River gettin' knife friendly," Mal weighed in. "But she didn't hurt anyone. Her brother'll have a talk to her, and then I'll have a talk with him." He waved his fork at Jayne. "Now I suggest you get to eating this fine meal we got before us. Fresh food never lasts long you know."

* * *

"River why did you shred Jayne's pictures?" Simon asked as gently as he could. They were sitting on her bed, and he had his arm around his sister's shoulders, trying to figure out her latest episode. 

"Bad pictures," River spat, her eyes focused on something only she could see.

"Well yes, they are. But do you remember that chat we had about respecting other people's property, and their privacy?"

River nodded her head. "Shouldn't have them."

"No," Simon agreed. "But they are his. And it's his decision to keep them or not. And you shouldn't go into someone else's room without their permission."

"Had his permission. Had an invitation to the party, but my dress wasn't fancy enough so he sent me home."

Simon frowned. That didn't make sense, not that River ever said much anymore that did, but the way she had said it, so forlorn… he didn't like it. "River. Has Jayne been bothering you more than usual?"

River focused her eyes on him and smiled, her gleeful, childish smile. "It bothers you that he bothers me. It bothers me that he bothers me less than he used to. He can't be bothered with me anymore."

Simon breathed a sigh of relief, as long as Jayne was leaving her alone. "Well perhaps if you apologise to him, and maybe try to stay clear of him for a couple of days…" he suggested.

"Not sorry." And River realized that she wasn't. She may not want Jayne for a husband, but after the way he'd treated her, she wasn't sorry that she'd destroyed something he held dear. It was only what he deserved.

"River," Simon looked at her sternly. "You do know that what you did was wrong, don't you?"

Simon didn't understand, Simon couldn't understand. It was on the tip of her tongue to explain everything to him – the marriage, the rejection… everything. But she just couldn't make herself do it, and she didn't know why. It was as though some force was stilling her tongue, pressing on her vocal cords in anticipation of her confession, so that if she did say the words they would come out all wrong.

So she addressed Simon's question. River lied through her teeth actually, but it was what her brother wanted to hear, so she said it. "Yes," she whispered. "No touching knives. No touching guns. No going into other people's rooms without an invitation." River looked her brother dead in the eye. "Even yours."

"No you can… Well only if the door's open," Simon amended. If things between him and Kaylee continued to escalate, maybe it was a good time to start the new rule now, and get River used to it before it was needful. Simon smiled at his sister. "So you're ok with me and Kaylee?" he asked, anxious for her response.

"It's about damn time," she said eagerly.

Simon breathed out the air he hadn't been aware he was holding. If River had had any reservations about whatever it was between he and Kaylee… River was Simon's first concern, always. He was just happy he didn't have to choose - not right now anyway. He smiled at his younger sister, his relief showing through. "I'm glad you're ok with it. Now. Do you want me to bring you down some dinner?"

River nodded her head vigorously. Now that everything was out in the open, and she had avenged herself on Jayne, so to speak, she suddenly felt extremely ravenous.

* * *

Jayne crouched by the stairs in the common area. None of the lights were on down the Doc's hallway, seemed both he and his moonbrained sister were asleep. Kaylee had gone back to her room after spending a couple of hours with the Doc, seemed they weren't quite up to the sexin' each other stage yet. 

Jayne was determined to get back at Little Miss Nutball for messin' with his stuff. She weren't his wife, no matter what that bit of paper might say. So she didn't have no reason to get uppity at his havin' a few visual aids for when he had to take matters into his own hand. Weren't like she was gonna do it… not that he wanted her to wrap those long, long legs around him, or rub that pale, smooth skin against him. "Dammit Jayne," he whispered. "Girl's messin' with your mind. Gotta focus on the job at hand."

He snuck into River's room and quietly searched for her artsy crap. She'd accumulated a large collection of pens and pencils that she kept in one of the drawers under her bed. He gathered up all her coloured pencils and took them back up to the dining room to begin his work.

Destroyed his things, would she? Jayne Cobb was not the sorta man to take that kinda crap lying down. Little Crazy was about to find out what happened to people who messed with his stuff.

Translations  
Lao tian – Oh God


End file.
